A successful but idiotic experiment

Lawrence Toppman

I felt the first big shameless lapse of the year coming on -- there had to be one, right? -- so I decided to give in completely as an experiment.

What would happen if I slacked off in every way? If I didn't exercise regularly for at least a week? (Let's be honest, more like 10 days.) If I ate whatever I wanted? If I decided that zucchini bread didn't really count as a dessert and topped it with a couple of cookies?

Would my theoretically retrained body (and/or conscience) refuse to let me make a fool of myself? Would I gain weight right away and notice a change?

Sadly, the answers were no and yes, respectively. I put back 2.5 pounds and felt just a little snugger fit when I tightened my belt. Man, the penalty for sinning comes quickly.

Well, now I know. I have 72 more days to the end of the year -- seven weeks -- and I'm at 184.5, five pounds heavier than I want to be on New Year's Eve. So I have to lose half a pound every week. Even a slacker like myself can do that.